Tag Archives: Top 10 List

10 Things I Hate Less Than Your Face

1. Being forced to listen to the entire “Gin and Tonic” era of Billy Joel’s career.

2. 100,000 socially awkward hugs.

3. Personally dressing up gila monsters to look like business people.

4. Getting stuck in a conversation with somebody who believes that Dave Matthews Band is overrated.

5. Bees who believe their stings feel like rainbow kisses.

6. That commercial for NFL Sunday Ticket where fairy Deion Sanders is delivering “the good news” to a Dallas Cowboys fan he can watch games on his Droid, and it never once occurs to him or his wife that the fairy is, in fact, Deion Sanders.

7. Passing the certification exam to become a professional shark masseuse.

8. Trying to order a lithium transmission for a 1925 Baron-X Danger cycle without having to pay the grandfathered-in “German Apology” fees.

9. Waking up at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday to spend the whole day at a cater waiter job for The National Association of Stiff Tippers.

10. 200,000 socially awkward hugs. From my boss. Who I just bumped into a karaoke bar. At 1:00 a.m. on a Sunday.

Leave a comment

Filed under Blog

10 Things That I’m Super-Excited About For The 2010 NFL Season

1. The Rise of Kevin Kolb – After watching him in the Eagles first preseason game on Friday, I’m a bit more sold on #4. A bit less Philly fan, much more true believer.

2. Miles Austin cancels the T.O. show – Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR TEXAS STADIUM TO BURN TO THE GROUND. I have no love for The Dallas Cowboys, but I’m man-crushing on Miles Austin. After reading his Sports Illustrated cover story, he seems like the kind of low-key, super-producing wideout you wish was more prevalent in the NFL. However, no one seems to care anymore when T.O. runs his mouth – so perhaps Austin is setting a new precedent.

3. The slow demise of Brett Favre – Imagine you get a chance to make a movie with Clint Eastwood. But not Dirty Harry. Not Unforgiven. Not even Mystic River. It’s actually Gran Torino 2: Still Racist. That cool rush of disappointment you’re feeling on your skull is exactly how I feel about Brett Favre and his Dead End Carnival of Ego.

4. The Detroit Lions 2010 Season – Last season, Matthew Stafford and Mark Sanchez both gave great evidence that the Draft Class of ’09 are far from bust. But Stafford – along with Calvin Johnson and Jahvid Best – just make for a much more intriguing storyline. For a franchise that could use a winning season, I’m rooting for The Motor City Brat Pack.

5. Brady Quinn’s Jaw-Dropping Skill At Holding A Clipboard – I love underdog stories, through-and-through. I want to believe that a guy like Brady Quinn could be the second coming of Jeff Garcia. But after watching his highlight reel from the Broncos-Bengals preseason game on Sunday, I can’t see how that’ll even begin to happen behind the much more dependable Kyle Orton and Bible scholar man-child, Tim Tebow.

6. The Dallas Cowboys 0-16 season – A guy can dream, can’t he? Go Eagles.

7. The Yellow Journalism That Will Haunt The New York Jets – I’m not saying the Jets won’t build on the promise of last season, but what I am saying is “They’re the Jets.” The team has been largely inconsistent for the last four seasons, and even with the BEVY of talent they now have, I’m not jumping any bandwagons until they post 9 wins.

8. Drew Brees’s Tango With The Madden Curse – My favorite quarterback in the entire league, and he’s the guy who is currently walking around with a target on his head.

9. The San Francisco 49ers quietly becoming relevant again – I always thought Alex Smith was a better quarterback than Eli Manning; the rookie numbers making that painfully obvious. But Smith also caught a few tough breaks in The City By The Bay. However, I – like every other football writer – am thinking that this year is different.

10. The Philadelphia Eagles Finally Winning A Super Bowl – This season, the team celebrates its last NFL championship from 50 years ago. Once again, a guy can dream.

Leave a comment

Filed under Blog

10 Signs That This Relationship Isn’t Going To Work Out

1. You’re a Republican, I’m a Democrat.

2. You’re a fancy Manhattan socialite, I’m a grubby bootblack from Brooklyn.

3. When we woke up together this morning, we both shared the same thought: “Why do I want to call you Sheryl?”

4. Hold it, wait! Let me pull my pants up from around my ankles. I said, I think we rely on sex to fix all our problems.

5. I don’t think I could ever really love you. You smoke, you drink, and you insist that my heroin habit is far worse.

6. I read the Sunday New York Times for “Arts & Leisure”. You read it for news. Nerd.

7. I like watching late night episodes of Law & Order: SVU. You keep complaining that the rest of nunnery isn’t so appreciative.

8. What the hell is so wrong with giving you a quadratic equation for your birthday?

9. Apparently, I can’t reject your “break-up”. Another lie from Sports Night – GODDAMN YOU, AARON SORKIN!!!!

10. I want you to be my Cindy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humor Piece