Some of my favorite moments in human history are the ones that just leave you astounded. Like ones where you can’t help but think, “Ah, she’s doing it for the money.” Enter Jaime Grubbs, one of the many women Tiger Woods took while he was at the height of his career.
Outside of being “a girl that slept with Tiger Woods”, there’s nothing spectacular about Ms. Grubbs. So I guess that’s why she said some of the most batshit crazy things I’ve ever heard on trust and heartbreak when she did a photo spread in this month’s Maxim.
Let the self-delusion commence, sad girl.
“I didn’t go to him, he came to me.”
I believe Dave Coulier’s mistress said the same thing in Mom Pants Monthly.
“The real turning point, when I fell for him, was when he trusted me enough to leave me in the hotel room and let me sleep. ”
When you want to tell her ‘I trust you.’, leave her to wake up alone the next morning in a hotel room. And, with enough money to buy breakfast at the waffle bar.
“At first when we had our meetings, at like five in the morning, he’d be like ‘We have to get out.’ But eventually he’d leave me with his stuff, and I could have done anything with it, so the trust meant a lot to me.”
Car keys. Clubs. Wallet. Insane Mistress. iPhone. Yup, everything’s where I left it.
“If I could talk to him, I’d tell him that he hurt me a lot. I don’t understand why he kept reeling me back in. How could he be so heartless?”
Yes. That’s it. He was ‘reeling you back in’. That’s why you’re shooting an underwear spread in a magazine beloved by 13 year old boys and 25 year old virgins. Goddammit Tiger! Look at what you’ve made her do. This girl could’ve won a Nobel Prize in physics, but you just had to keep having sex with her. And you made her pick up the phone every time you called! You, sir, are filthier than Nobokov.