1. You’re a Republican, I’m a Democrat.
2. You’re a fancy Manhattan socialite, I’m a grubby bootblack from Brooklyn.
3. When we woke up together this morning, we both shared the same thought: “Why do I want to call you Sheryl?”
4. Hold it, wait! Let me pull my pants up from around my ankles. I said, I think we rely on sex to fix all our problems.
5. I don’t think I could ever really love you. You smoke, you drink, and you insist that my heroin habit is far worse.
6. I read the Sunday New York Times for “Arts & Leisure”. You read it for news. Nerd.
7. I like watching late night episodes of Law & Order: SVU. You keep complaining that the rest of nunnery isn’t so appreciative.
8. What the hell is so wrong with giving you a quadratic equation for your birthday?
9. Apparently, I can’t reject your “break-up”. Another lie from Sports Night – GODDAMN YOU, AARON SORKIN!!!!
10. I want you to be my Cindy.