Tag Archives: Barack Obama

Matt Fried’s Failed Sketch Ideas

“Barack Obama and Santa Claus Save Earth”

Aliens invade the planet Earth on Christmas Eve and take the First Family hostage. Joe Biden is frozen in suspended animation (a la the plot device in Demolition Man). President Barack Obama is left without an ally… except for the Big Guy In Red. Santa Claus and Obama team up to kick some extraterresterial butt. In the final showdown, the aliens unmask themselves to reveal they are really Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin. As Obama outnerds Jindal on Battlestar Galactica Risk, Santa puts Sarah Palin in a headlock. As their alien spacecraft falls to Earth, Palin and Jindal escape. Obama and Santa are able to land the ship in the Potomac River and the two rescue the Obama Family with the help of Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer and Tiny Tim.

It’s a Christmas miracle!

Meanwhile, deep in the far reaches of space, Palin and Jindal summon the Dark Force spirit of Barry Goldwater and inform him that they have failed their Sith Master. Goldwater then delivers the classic closer “You idiots! So much for a neo-conservative Christmas!” and delivers a two-way bitch slap across their faces.

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Mr. Obama goes to Washington

My live blog feed of the 2009 Obama Inauguration.

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10:48 – Did I just see Cheney in a wheelchair?

10:49 – Obama and Bush exit the White House together for the Capital. Two men of fate, side-by-side. Obama looks ready, Bush looks relieved.

10:54 – People are cheering the Presidential motorcade. It’s been 8 years since I’ve seen that.

10:55 – NBC just compared the Bush-Obama car ride to the Carter-Regan car ride. Huh?

10:59 – The First Ladies arrive at the Capital.

11:00 – One of the leaders of the House just kissed Michelle Obama on the cheek. Somebody’s hoping for a Valentine next month.

11:03 – The Supreme Court arrives on the platform. Barack Obama is being sworn in by a man he tried to indict – awkward.

11:04 – Ted Kennedy looks about regal as he had in years.

11:05 – Reggie Love. Former Duke basketball player, future personal assistant to Barack Obama. Alright, it’s not the Chicago Bulls, but not a bad gig.

11:08 – Dan Quayle. Al Gore. Walter Mondale. Um… who invited these guys?

11:11 – NBC is wondering if Obama’s speech is going to be FDR-esqe. I’m just wondering if Al Gore is going to start crying like a Jewish mother at a bar mitzvah.

11:14 – George Bush, Sr. is walking with a limp, but he still plans to sky dive on his 85th birthday. Not a fan, but that’s pretty badass.

11:15 – President Clinton and Secretary of State Clinton walk toward the platform. It’s like watching Princess Leia and Shaft show up.

11:18 – Millions of people on the Mall. This is something unreal, even sitting here at home watching it.

11:19 – Hiya, Jimmy Carter.

11:20 – Hello, George.

11:21 – Washington just exploded in joy at the intro of Bill and Hillary Clinton. Ahem, awkward much other living Presidents?

11:23 – Is it weird that I have a little crush on Barbera Bush? The younger one.

11:27 – The First Daughters just got a huge reception. Apparently, their dad is still making them make their own beds.

11:32 – Michelle Obama = Jackie Kennedy Y2K9?

11:35 – Cheney in a wheelcahir again, this is priceless.

11:36 – W. is introduced aaaaannnnndddd… nothing except some scattered applause. Wow. The Obama daughters got a bigger reception than the 43rd President of The United States.

11:37 – Is W. trash-talking Michelle Obama?

11:38 – First shot of Obama before he even enters the platform – D.C. goes crazy.

11:39 –  Joe Biden enters. More insanity.

11:41 – The crowds are chanting “Obama! Obama!”

11:43 – Barack Obama is introduced onto the platform. Insanity, madness, glee – none of that describes what the city of D.C. is experiencing.

11:45 – Dianne Feinstein approaches the podium.

11:50 – Rick Warren’s invocation; is he tearing up?

11:53 – Aretha Franklin’s “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee”. Bluesy gospel. You know she’s getting a little extra enjoyment out of puttin’ some soul in this.

11:57 – Alright Biden, it’s finally your time in the sun.

11:58 – Welcome to D.C., Vice President Biden!

11:59 – A John Williams song? Uh… okay…

12:04 – What are the Obama daughters doing?

12:04 – 8 years. 45 years. Waiting. Waiting. History is about to happen.

12:05 – Welcome to Washington, President Obama.

12:06 – America is going crazy.

12:07 – Obama approaches the podium.

12:09 – “We have chosen hope over fear.”

12:13 – “We must begin the work of re-making America.”

12:17 – “We are ready to lead once more!”

12:26 – One hell of a speech.

12:27 – Elizabeth Alexander approaches the podium. Maya Angelou wasn’t available?

12:30 – Not bad Ms. Poet Laureate.

12:32 – A benediction? There’s more?

12:38 – The National Anthem. President Barack Obama. What a way to kick off a Tuesday afternoon.

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Happy Martin Luther King Day!

Happy MLK day, everybody. Make sure you plant a tree, or tip your server heavily. This year, the holiday is a bit more poignant for obvious reasons. Can you spot the differences in these two pictures?

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Check in tomorrow for my live blogging from the Inauguration. Yes, We Can, America. Yes, We Can.

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