10 Things I Hate Less Than Your Face

1. Being forced to listen to the entire “Gin and Tonic” era of Billy Joel’s career.

2. 100,000 socially awkward hugs.

3. Personally dressing up gila monsters to look like business people.

4. Getting stuck in a conversation with somebody who believes that Dave Matthews Band is overrated.

5. Bees who believe their stings feel like rainbow kisses.

6. That commercial for NFL Sunday Ticket where fairy Deion Sanders is delivering “the good news” to a Dallas Cowboys fan he can watch games on his Droid, and it never once occurs to him or his wife that the fairy is, in fact, Deion Sanders.

7. Passing the certification exam to become a professional shark masseuse.

8. Trying to order a lithium transmission for a 1925 Baron-X Danger cycle without having to pay the grandfathered-in “German Apology” fees.

9. Waking up at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday to spend the whole day at a cater waiter job for The National Association of Stiff Tippers.

10. 200,000 socially awkward hugs. From my boss. Who I just bumped into a karaoke bar. At 1:00 a.m. on a Sunday.

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