10 Tips for the College Freshmen Class of 2015

1. College is a great place to discover tons of indie music already ruined by the internet.

2. Girls love it when you begin and end sentences with “Much ado m’lady.” I recommend using it in the quad for a week.

3. When pulling an “all-nighter” on a paper, you will realize that exhaustion makes you fearless, which why after you’re done you should also wrestle a bear.

4. When choosing a major, think about something you’d love to study that will have nothing do with your adult life.

5. Living in dorms is all about tolerating different lifestyles. Feel no shame to continue showering in your nylon body sleeve.

6. Contrary to what you think, someone is watching you play in your D-III college football games – the bears who plan to wrestle you later that night.

7. A good senior thesis begins and ends with a strong point of view. But no one ever complained about pop-up sections, either.

8. Getting rejected by a fraternity is not the end-all, be-all to your life. That’s what I tell myself after every job interview these days.

9. Wokinga t a collige noospapr looks gret on a resumi.

10. If you feel inclined, join a Political Action Committee. We need student leadership now more than ever. Who else will stand up for your freedom to wrestle a bear? Or, multiple bears in a battle royale that involves sponsorships for several local bars?

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